how i would rob someone….

December 26, 2007

i’m just having another paranoia trip. i’ve been paranoid a lot you see.. since the time when i took a short walk to a 7-11 near the place i call home. it was about 3am, and i needed some cigarettes really badly. so there on i went, and got my cigarettes and on the walk home i was cornered by 7 indian chaps (drunk, most likely) and they started hounding and throwing their helmets at me… but that was a very long time ago, and since my mind has been wary and that’s when i started getting paranoid about things happening around me… and how my thoughts started straying into thinking of weird things.


Last night, I made acquaintance with someone who works with one of the fast food chains that provided delivery services. we talked a little and i then came up with a weird idea. i decided to let him in on it, i decided that perhaps i would pay him about 200 ringgit for a piece of information i needed to test my theory out. so i explained to him what i needed, and that whatever information he gives me must stay between him and I. noone else. we made a deal. And that… was that.


i got a call from the person i knew. he told me that he just received an order around my area. GREAT… how convenient.. I hopped into my black car (yes thats the vehicle i choose to drive around when i’m stalking a prey.)

ah.. tree’s. WONDERFUL mango trees. just the perfect cover i need. I parked my car, got out and left the car unlocked. patiently i waited.

five minutes passed.

ten minutes passed.

and after twenty five minutes of waiting. i save a sole headlight heading up the street. I got up, and waved to the motorcyclist as he approached me.

“Ah… sampai jugak makanan aku!.. aduh.. sudah lama menuggu lapar tak terhingga ni. So.. brapa bill saya? ok.. saya bayar 25 ringgit. baki 6 ringgit tuh hang simpan la.. karang boleh hang gi dok layan kopi kejap. Ok.. terima kasih”

“Ah… finally my food has come!! OH.. THE HUNGER THAT I FEEL! you are really my saviour. If you weren’t wearing crappy shoes, i’d kneel and kiss those feet of yours that make you able to ride here to me as swift as the light to deliver my meal. So… how much do I owe you kind sir. Oh.. only 19 ringgit eh mate? i tell you what i’ll give u 25, you can keep the 6 ringgit, and go have breakfast or something. thanks alot.!!”

the delivery dude took the cash and sped off. i watched him as his brake lights faded into the darkness.

waited another five minutes.

i rang the door bell.

“Delivery!!” i hollared out.

His head popped out the door. and he soon appeared wearing only a white pagoda shirt and a pair of boxers. I stood behind the pillar waiting for him to come closer.

*smack* i whacked him on the head with my trusty 2 x 4 kayu meranti.

on a note i wrote.

kawan ku, saya tidak bermaksud untuk mengapa-apakan mu,
pada masa ini, sukar untuk saya mencari wang rezeki,

saya berharap agar kawan ku ini boleh memaafkan ku.
terima kasih

burger tuh saya dah letak dalam microwave. walaupun dah hilang sedikit harta, sekurang-kurangnya, saudara tidak akan bersedih sambil kelaparan. 😛


ok so yeah all that’s made up. i never did rob anyone. i don’t think there’s any substance in the story anyway. but if you think u can be more careful. please do. crime rate really is rising. desperate people are driven to take desperate actions.


One comment

  1. your translation is so funny lah xxxx! hahahahahhahahahahhaha!!

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